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You are allowed to feel bad sometimes

 

I hope you’re having a wonderful start to 2021. I will admit, this week wasn’t the one I was expecting. It was dystopian to see images of people storming the Capitol building and my heart goes out to all of the workers downtown and people of DC who feared for their safety this week. Please be sure to head down to the “Take Action” section to see how you can support DC statehood (and learn why it’s so important).

In a few weeks, this newsletter will do a deep dive into Muladhara Chakra, the energetic center of the body that rules our safety, stability, and sense of community identity. I’ll share how imbalances in this Chakra are distinctly related to the rise of nationalism we’ve seen over the past few years and Wednesday’s attack. 

>For this week, I wanted to share a lesson I picked up from a parenting expert, Janet Lansbury. I think about it often in relationship to my son, and more recently have been exploring it in myself and in conversation with my clients. 

Here’s the lesson: getting rid of your child’s negative emotions and feelings isn’t the goal. Kids are going to get upset. They are going to cry. They are going to have times when they resist what is happening.

And your job isn’t to take all of the pain and frustration away. It’d be impossible to do so. You don’t have to remove all of the friction from their lives, or rationalize and hush away their pain. If they fell and bumped their head, it’s disingenuous to say “you’re OK!” over and over. (How would it feel if you stubbed your toe and your partner said “you’re OK!” when you were still in pain?)

Instead, your job is to acknowledge the frustration that is there. Your job is to let tears exist. Your job is to let the wave of emotion move through them.

It is amazing how difficult and how important this lesson has been in parenting. I so want Theo’s life to be 100% pain-free and easy breezy. I want him to be smiling 24/7 and accomplish all of his goals. But acting on those wishes creates a lot of distress for me, and I don’t succeed anyway!

So now think about yourself. How often do you experience an emotion like fear or anger or sadness and you rush to tell yourself you shouldn’t be feeling it? 

How often do you find yourself angry at your anger, sad at your sadness, or anxious about your anxiety? 

You are a multifaceted human being, and you’re allowed to experience the whole range of human emotions.I’d love to hear your reflections on this email. Be sure to reply and let me know how you might apply this lesson in your life.

  Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day,   samantha attard sig

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